CORANNA ADAMS
  • Home
  • Blog
  • About
  • Film
  • Contact

Try/Fail Cycles

11/23/2018

Comments

 
Picture
I was at Thankgiving Dinner with family and friends last night, bemoaning the life of a teen mom, when my good friend Dolly said, "I'm having to train myself out of using Well, actually on my own daughter."
I must have looked confused, because she finished, "You know, well actually aren't you thankful that you had so much time with your sweet pup before he died."
Or well actually, you'll have another opportunity to try out for that team next year."
I thought about all the ways that I use this same strategy on myself. Well, actually I should be really happy that I had that successful pitch with the literary agent (even though it didn't work out in the end). Well actually, I had so many good years with my dad before he got sick.
Well, actually is a way we, particularly women, try to mitigate the pain we feel over loss.
Don't get me wrong; it's great to not take oneself too seriously. None of us like to fail or lose something--or someone--we love. But when we try to redirect attention too quickly away from our pain, or our children's pain, we miss an opportunity to really feel what it means to not get what you want.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Life over the holidays slows down a bit, and over this weekend, I've been realizing how upset I am about my failures. Case in point, I turn 40 this June, and I really believed I would have my first novel published by now. 
Now look, I'm not wallowing. I'm busy at work on my third manuscript. In the class I'm currently taking, a NY Times bestselling author  recently told me she had to write twelve books before her first was published, so I know I'm in good company. (Well actually, you've come far in such a short period of time. You published in local mags. You're starting your own podcast. You've even had someone ask for your full novel before saying no.) 
But rejection--failure--stings. I cry. I feel utterly hopeless.
Why is this valuable you might ask? One word: resiliency. 
I counsel my students (and sometimes their parents) to do this very thing. Fail often! I love to say. I'm not sure they understand that I speak from a place of experience. I haven't got it all figured out yet. I have two children who stump me on a weekly basis. I still haven't written that business plan. As an artist, I've been rejected hundreds of times. Celebrated, only a handful.

Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude. This year I'm thankful for my failures, for all the things that aren't working in my life. For eating too many carbohydrates and gaining that extra five pounds back. For not pulling off the birthday party my youngest son wanted. For forgetting sooooooooo many things. For that really personal rejection letter. And not reaching all of my career goals.

​Sometimes tears are the only companions on a lonely journey. I'm welcoming mine.
Comments

    Author

    Coranna Adams is a writer, filmmaker, and educator from Asheville, North Carolina.

    Tweets by @corannaadams

    Archives

    October 2020
    May 2020
    February 2020
    November 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    November 2016
    August 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    September 2014
    July 2014

    Categories

    All
    Anklyosing Spondylitis
    Arthur Rackham
    Auto-immune Condition
    Body Awareness
    Collaborative Learning
    Design
    Design Education
    Fairies
    Fritjof Capra
    Generation X
    Healing Arthritis
    Inspiration
    Integral Education
    Integral Thinking About Health
    Metacognition In Children
    Moons
    New World Order
    Nonviolent Communication
    Parenting For Peace
    Second Tier Thinking
    Second-tier Thinking
    Story
    Systems Thinking
    Titania

    RSS Feed

Site Copyright Coranna Adams, 2014 all rights reserved. Do not copy or reproduce without permission.
  • Home
  • Blog
  • About
  • Film
  • Contact